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Today,

Today, I woke up and I thought I was fine.

Today, I rose from my bed and thought nothing.

Today, I sat at the wooden breakfast table that all the condiments so perfectly spread and I looked at my friend and smiled.

In that moment, I thought I was fine.

I got my revision books out sat on the floor and my head felt clouded. I dont know why but like a cloud had taken over. I blamed it on me being tired or not understanding

I thought I was fine.

I got dressed smiled at everyone and left, and was looking for the next best thing to relieve my thoughts. I looked to my phone and I called him.

He made me smile.

He made me giggle.

He made me feel relieved.

I went to see him, and thought that everything was fine. But then, I left got on the bus and I was blank. I was lost. The cloud had returned.

I left it, I thought I was fine so I got on the bus, read my book but nothing registered.

I got home being aware I have work to do, knowing that if I dont do it I will fail. But, I couldn’t. I had no reason, no justification. I just couldn’t.

I sat on my chair and switched on my laptop and decided to act fine, I put my headphones on and watched series.

I sat there, hoping to get something out of me but I was just blank. As the episodes changed I looked to my right and I saw the sun and the trees. I smiled, I thought that everything is okay.

But it wasn’t and it isn’t. Because otherwise, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this.

And now, I look to my right and its pitch black. I kept telling myself I would stop watching it and begin to work, but I couldn’t.

Because every time I looked at the computer screen, I saw the similarities I had with this girl. I saw her in me.

I saw and realised that I was Hannah baker.

I am writing this, because I know that I am not okay but I am afraid to speak. I am not writing this for attention or to shame anyone. I am writing this because I want to move forward. I do not want to feel empty, I want to live. But, I don’t know how so this here, me writing anonymous is my

start.

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Is anyone there?

Right, here we are. Me, this dark rusty old keyboard and you, whoever you may be that has happened to begin reading this. So what am I doing here? good question, one ill yet to find the answer to.

I wonder if this world of blogging will like me or not, I wonder if whoever may read this could potentially be a member of my family or even better the hot guy that I walk past every morning on my way to get the bus.

I hope to find peace in myself and this keyboard, whilst I write away my thoughts, my stories and the ones yet to be made, with readers or not, I promise to this virtual universe to write a piece of my mind onto this dark rusty old keyboard, every week.

So, here goes just one click away to publish my first little snapshot.